Consider the following: A young man, during a conversation in their car, asked his wife if she would like some ice cream as they headed towards home. The wife said no, and the man kept driving. Later the wife realized that her husband had wanted to stop, and was frustrated because he had not received the response he was expecting. "Why didn't you just say what you wanted?

Why the unnecessary games?" In fact, what had happened was that both the young people had misunderstood each other. The husband perceived the wife's answer, no, as one that could not be negotiated with.

The wife on the other hand, misunderstood the husband's question and read it as a direct question, rather than the start of a conversation towards what both may have liked or wanted to do.

Why does this happen? These kinds of misunderstandings typically arise thanks to the basic differences in the ways those men and women think and speak. Men, generally involve themselves in the world as individuals that compete within domains of power and achievement.

They are either up or down, or winning or lose. As part of their nature, their communication tends to lean towards maintaining the status quo or gaining domination, in a continuance of the larger instinct for survival and independence. Women, on the other hand, see themselves in world as individuals within a network of different connections. In that world, conversations are tools to negotiate closeness and intimacy and to avoid isolation.

Please note that this does not mean that women do not care about status or those men are hardened to intimacy but rather in a general outlook they are focused on different goals. Men and women differ in how they express almost everything.

Examples: Coping with conflict and problems: Childhood Studies show that males appeal to resolve situations by violence and rules. Girls attempt resolution through harmonious consensus and discussion.

Asking questions: Women show concern to people's problems by asking relevant questions. Men are more likely o remain silent or to change the subject out of respect since the male assumption is that extending discussion would make the problem more serious and therefore make the other man feel worse.

While both approaches are valid, problems can start when we start to pretend that men and women express their thoughts and feelings in the same way, and when we don't see the differences, the misunderstandings begin.

Confessions: Women are more willing to reveal emotional secrets, because the payoff in intimacy may be worth the risk. Men are less likely to take that risk for fear of being one down and are more inclined to talk about ball games or local politics.

Apologies: When women say, "I'm really sorry," it's to often establish a connection with the other person, and really means, "I'm sorry that you feel bad about this - I do too." For men, however, an apology denoted an admission of fault.

While both approaches of thought are equally valid, problems arise when we pretend that men/women express and think in the same way.

Men and women who understand each other's conversational styles and expressions are more easily able to express them ...understand each other and have a happy relationship as follows: A young man, during a conversation in their car, asked his wife if she would like some ice cream as they headed towards home. The wife said no, and the man kept driving.

A few minutes later, however, she said, "I know someone else, though who would like some." The man, smiling turned and looked at her as he asked "Oh yeah - and who might that be?"

"Well, he's this wonderful handsome man - why don't we swing by Baskin Robbins? I'll introduce you to him, and he may even buy me a scoop.. :)

Compatibility is the state of being in which two or more people have a pattern of mutually beneficial similarities and dissimilarities (called complementarities).

Relationships satisfy personal and social needs. Thus, compatibility occurs when two individuals are suitably matched in that both parties are fulfilled or satisfied across the facets that define us:

Platonic versus romantic.
Compatibility is at the base of all stable and satisfying interpersonal relationships - be they platonic or romantic.

Core components of compatibility.
Initial research indicated nine important components for Friendship Factors:

1. Equal eligibilities

2. Respect

3. Trust

4. Acceptance

5. Mutual assistance

6. Enjoyment

7. Spontaneity

8. Understanding

9. Intimacy

But, upon further investigation, it was narrowed to eight Friendship Factors:

1. Self-disclosure

2. Authenticity

3. Helping behavior

4. Acceptance

5. Positive regard

6. Strength of character

7. Similarity

8. Empathetic understanding

All but strength of character became more important as friendships became closer and more intimate.

By contrast, the following behaviors are considered to be the most detrimental to friendship:

Jealousy or criticism

Lack of tolerance for third parties

Disclosing confidences

Failing to show positive regard

Failing to provide emotional support

When seeking friendships, people look for qualities such as: Similarity

Openness and a propensity for giving

Self-disclosure

Trust

Acceptance

Understanding

Helping behaviors

Belief statements from the Japanese concept of shinyuu (best friend) are helpful in illustrating what compatibility "looks" like across our Emotional, Intellectual, Physical and Spiritual facets.